Music Heals the Soul

~translocation~

2006-09-28T23:31:00.000-07:00

~to the few souls who still occasionally pop by here to see if there has been any updates, *sheepish grin*... i have set up a new blog at babyintots.livejournal.com it may appear empty but it's not. it only appears empty because my entries so far are all labelled as "private"

~lazie bunnie~

2006-08-25T22:35:00.000-07:00

~have been feeling very lazy,wrt to blogging... i think tat's quite obvious (sheepish grin)... hmm well shall practise my summary skills... just ended the second week of school. ok so far. it takes one hour fifteen minutes on average to get to school if the traffic conditoins aren't horrible, which is actually quite long, but i decided not to apply for kentridge waiting list in the end...cos home's still the place to be :) lectures in the first week were still comprehensible...but come second week, which is this week... sigh... i was already lost on the first day.. enzymes!!! enzymes lecture! and i didn't understand what was being taught!!! sigh... then for anatomy, all the terms were hurled at us i was momentarily stunned...practical was much better than i taught. the preparation of the cadavers by the lab techs and profs was good and clean. the place was well lit too. it wasn't scary. ok there was no blood...maybe that's why i didnt' feel scared...anw i have resolved not to say "i am scared of blood" again... histology pracs...more often than not, i didn't really know what i was looking at through the microscope, which is bad :( went to get wheater's aft the just-past histology prac :p
~can anyone actually get tired from thinking too much? i wonder... i have the habit of thinking too much, and i still do...

~eve of first day of sch~

2006-08-13T21:57:00.000-07:00

~first day of sch tmr!!!~

~didi turns 13!!!~

2006-08-10T22:42:00.000-07:00

~happie 13th birthday didi :)~

~flag day....blues....literally!~

2006-08-09T22:26:00.000-07:00

~yesterday was nus flag day... yea everybody says i am stupid... pple who reached school early are early cos they have papa or mama express...me i reach sch early cos i have transisland "express". second day in a row taking same bus with my siblings, since their school is just a stone's throw away from nus. so i woke up at 5, reached school at 7. so quiet... so few pple from med fac came.. was expecting more... shirt was blue. when the list of allocated places came out, i was the only person smiling in my group. everyone else was complaining..haha..cos we got woodlands! hee... but ya... made a wasted trip to school cos i ended up being sent back home... so we took 963 to causeway point.. omg.. so many blueies... everywhere!!! flooded, literally... went to the bridge leading out of civic centre second level with lydia. initially it was still alright. though i wouldnt' use the word brisk to describe business, it was at least reasonable... later on edwin came to qiang sheng yi, but nvm, same group. but even later on, someone else came and stood at the foot of the bridge!!! there goes our business... arthurdidi came to support..then audreymeimei, then mamapapa..haha...family gathering :) saw jas...her grp was at woodlands too...after lunch, erm, we went to watch movie.. tokyo drift...aft movie, lydia and i went to a traffic junction to continue asking for donations...under the merciless sun... but business wasn't good... 4 plus went back to mrt...so tat's flag day...
~yea!!! happie national day!!! it's the last time it's gonna be held at kallang stadium..sob sob...but good job nanhua kids!!! and to all participants!!! my sis immediately called home to ask if she was captured on tv haha.... papamama and i were scrutinising every single face caught on tv but didn't see her or didi haha... never mind gal.. it's the spirit that counts :) sis in blue carrying pink flag, bro in yellow carrying silver board...good job gals and guys..

~inaug~

2006-08-07T17:45:00.000-07:00

~went for inaug this morning. it's super sad... my og only weeming and me went!!! so we ended up drifting around, finding our friends and just...ya..drifting around. reached a little after 7 cos i took same bus with my siblings... little red riding hood...sigh...reallie very sad...sigh..ended up drifting around finding my friends...sat with liming and irenew. so we sat through talks talks and more talks. the professors were decked in robes (like harry potter) while the student leaders wore coats. the file, quite nice.... ended rather early in fact. ate a little at the reception, then accompanied hf to yih... then to clementi, then to causeway pt to meet my mum to buy my bro's shoebag and game for birthday. thanks jane for the belated bd gift... the card is always the best :) thanks! tmr is flag day...whole day... ... ...

~nostalgia~

2006-08-06T23:49:00.000-07:00

~sometimes a wave of nostalgia hits me, and there i go, reminiscing again. well maybe i shouldn't say a wave hitting me, cos i guess this sense of nostalgia is always in me, just that it surfaces at the sight of certain stuff. jus the other time i saw this small round biscuits at ntuc, and i got my mum to buy them haha. those were one kind of biscuits i always ate when i was young. a few days ago, i was passing by a provision shop when i saw another kind of "childhood" biscuits, those kind with an oval biscuit base and some candy topping in a shape of a pyramid on top. needless to say, i bought some home too. such things, simple as they may seem, can actually bring back loads of memories, happy or sad. last night i sat on my parents' bed, flipping through a few photo albums, in which chronicled the baby-years of me, my sis and my bro. so cute!!! u just can't help but chuckle at them. sigh, memories...

~0_o''~

2006-08-03T22:56:00.000-07:00

~ARGH!!! super frustrated... down, blue, frustrated, agitated,torn, highly "explosive", pent up... put everything tog... tat's me, at 2256...

~eloan~

2006-08-03T22:24:00.000-07:00

~it's so frustrating!!! papa mama purposely made a trip with me to mpsh again today to get the laptop, but they say eloan only opens next mon!!! guarantors can't sign anything today!!! so they needn't have come!!! argh...feel so bad dragging mama papa here this morning... still must visit a website, then book an appointment date for the guarantors to come down again... argh... and i lost count of how many times i actually took out my matric card today. each time i entered a boundary, i had to take out. even when i got out of the boundary, then got back in again a few min later, either cos i went to take some stuff from papa mama or cos i acc a friend in, i had to dig for my matric card again!!! grrr....

~let "it" go~

2006-08-02T22:35:00.000-07:00

~feeling a little hot... better not get sick... school is reopening...
~wrote a song just now... first time i sat down, and actually finished the entire song, lyrics and melody. could have been in one sitting, if not for dinner. it's my first try at an english song, and i quite like it. let"it"go...
~school is gonna reopen!!! so fast...

~"stupid" waterbaby~

2006-07-28T22:23:00.000-07:00

~giving up the opportunity to study medicine in uk on a scholarship. how does that sound? stupid? i agree.
我想了。我哭了。我决定了。我是笨的。

~medicamp~

2006-07-21T07:47:00.000-07:00

~back from medicamp...let me retrace my steps to the first day of medicamp, 18/7 tues...met lydia(ny) at the mrt before heading to nus. was allocated the group little red riding hood. nobody from my class in that group. only knew alicia, my strings mate. but everyone didnt' really know anyone else in the group, so it was mass interaction from square one haha. let me list everyone in my group: me!(hee) alicia shermyn shahira grace jasmine lydia lilian peishan yiwen tzetong weeming benjamin matthew edwin gabriel martin chris kenneth had some icebreaker games. then back to lt29 ... for sponsor talks... and "lecture". we even had lecture notes! haha... aft the talks... campus tour in the style of amazing race. even though csc camp internal hunt already brought us around the school, i regretfully realised that i still didnt' really noe my way around the school... aft campus tour, we boarded the bus to aloya loyang resort. we were allocated bungalow 7 greenshank. at night was fright night. went into pasir ris park. could see the seniors put in lotsa effort...though it wasn't as scary as csc's fright night, it was great effort nonetheless :) but i think all the "ghosts" don't like me haha...cos i just can't scream. even if i am scared, i don't scream :p sorrie "ghosts"...second day was dry games. had a number of stations to complete. was a little burnt at the end of the day, but still ok. afternoon was "so u think u can cook" competition. we were sososo lucky... our grp got the theme "atkins" -_-" cooked salmon fish prawns, throw in a little lemon, and then yoghurt plus fresh cherries for dessert....for ambience, we had atkins pledge and atkins choir...tot we did quite well but apparently not haha...at night was sp. i wrote a one page letter to my sp. didnt' noe wat to write. just blabbered abt csc camp, my hall prob..and ended up managing to fill one page. my sp wrote a few lines....one of which amused my grp mates -- "i am attached" haha... during the meet up, we had nothing to talk abt. listened to other pairs talk. just talked abit abt..sch, cca, his gf, ns... third day was wet games...i applied sunblock..but i still got burnt, esp my nose! shermyn said i looked cute with my red nose haha...the games were fun. had to leave aft mass games. first thing my bro said when he saw me was " u look like a clown la!" cos of my red nose :p little red riding hood got 3rd placing!!! :)
~2 weeks to sch start...countdown...
~rejected ke...waiting for appeal gateway to open in aug to apply for kr waiting list...

~blues continued~

2006-07-16T23:29:00.000-07:00

~went to cut my hair a little bit more yesterday morn. still not very used to, but getting gradually used to, my new hairstyle. mum "forced" me to take cab to school aft the haircut. and so i did. wa... i am boycotting taxis...so ex! the meter jumps so fast..its sprints! it triple jumps! omg... i see the meter jump $0.10 every few seconds, my heart pains every few seconds. initially my mum wanted me to alight in the school, but i decided to just alight opp the sch at the overhead bridge. so ex! omg...heartpain...
~hc ceremony yest. my ankle had a blister even before it was my turn. i was thinking...it's very normal to have a bit of pain when wearing court shoes... so i did not take a look at my ankle. but at one point in time, it just got so painful i just had to look. and...yea..there it was...skin off, red, big circle... no wonder...there goes one of the 3 plasters in my wallet...thanks papamama for coming!
it's nice to see so many people again...
~grrr...me the indecisive rascal...hall or no hall? ke or kentridge waiting list??? grr... i cant' really pinpoint a reason, but somehow, i seem more drawn to kentridge. i think the presence of an active songwriting club, and a more active and culturally rich environment do contribute to that feeling. grr...

~blues~

2006-07-14T23:12:00.000-07:00

~i actually watched world cup finals haha... i feel that it was really a close fight...too close...
~it seems so...so...so imaginary...in 3 weeks' time i would be staying in hall? don't feel prepared. was offered ke. was thinking of changing to kentridge. even checked out online website on kentridge and was quite sure i wanted to join their songwriting club when i bounced back to square one. the person at nus residential office suggested staying put at ke...kentridge was fully occupied, no vacancies. but ke songwriting club doesnt' seem very active. isn't there any nonfacbased, nonhallbased songwriting club at nus??? there doesnt' seem to be one, that is, not that the people whom i have asked know of anyway. sigh...
~went for a haircut a few days ago. hairsytle changed. may not notice the difference when my hair is let down, but when tied up, it's obvious. still can't find a way to make it neat...gonna cut it slightly shorter tmr...
~sigh...

~qetest safra~

2006-07-07T22:50:00.000-07:00

~it's really no laughing matter when a bad cough hits. u can really cough non-stop until u squeeze ur tear glands dry and ur abdomen screams in pain. sigh...
~was still contemplating whether to go for the grp 5 combined group 6, and later combined group 2 bbq at safra chalet on tue morn cos my cough was really quite bad. when i get into a coughing fit, i really can't stop, and tears really flow, and i will look like i am shivering. but i decided to go in the end. and so i left home at 11 plus and reached tanah merah at 12.55, 5 min earlier that the stipulated meeting time. and guess wat, i was the earliest haha. i was still afraid i had either gotten the meeting place or meeting time, or, both, wrong. but i was just early. after everyone reached, we sat the shuttle bus to the chalet. then we went bowling. it's not that i was ever a good bowler in the past, but my bowling skills really deproved a lot... i only bowl when i am at chalet with friends, but usually i still manage to hit a score of 100 or more fairly comfortably. but this time, i am struggling just to reach an a1 (75)... u look at the score.. 0, strike, 0, and u noe i am a player dependent on luck haha... the next time i bowl, i aim to bowl with style :p after bowling, some went back to play mahjong, while the rest stayed for a game of pool. i have never played pool before, so i was urged to go try. and so i did. i really didn't know anything about it. first qn i asked when i held the stick(is tat wat it's called?) was...how do you hold the stick? then ... wat's the purpose of the game? so now i know you must create a bridge to place the stick into a gap through which u slide and hit the white ball. the black ball is an untouchable unless u are claiming victory already. depending on which ball you, or your opponent, first hit into a pocket, you try to get all of that kind of ball, striped or solid, into the pockets. and so i learnt step by step. my first try, aim was to hit the white ball. second try, aim was to hit the ball i was aiming for with the white ball. subsequent tries, to hit the ball into the pocket. first game, i hit 0 balls into the pocket. second and third games, 1 ball each. not bad, i feel, for myself.. haha... after pool, we went back to the chalet. played a bit of cards. i must really be down on luck tat day. for the 2 rounds of black jack when i was the banker, i had to pay everyone money. sigh... later on, bbq. first time i ate pork chop at bbq. couldn't eat much cos of my throat. aft bbq, just sat ard and talked. well, when i say "talked", it means people talk, i listen haha.. cos i couldn't talk that day. whenever i talked, i would cough. so i just listened. went to the beach, talked. went back to chalet. watched soccer. after soccer, talked. then come 6am, we took a taxi out of safra and home sweet home.
~it's one more month, exactly, to sch reopen. i wont' say i am excited, i won't say i am sad. i feel neutral. i feel less uncertain now, knowing where i am headed. but there is still an element of uncertainty lingering about... uni life will be so diff from wat i have experienced so far. will also be staying in hall for the first semester. wonder how it will be like. hope i will be able to adapt to uni life...
~finally got down to organising the snippets of lyrics and tunes that were born in the past few years...one book for lyrics, one book for tunes...wonder when i will be able to fill the whole book... hope to be able to see the pieces mature as time passes... thoughts emotions regrets frustrations... bottling them all up makes one feel fed up... feel like starting on a new composition... and this time, i want to make it a complete composition... a complete mature composition...

~funfair~syf~

2006-07-02T15:55:00.000-07:00

~sometimes everything may seem alright... "too alright" in fact... until the last minute, you realise things aren't "that alright" actually... still feeling bad now. had to settle some stuff regarding the rotaract club dinner. contacted those i was told to contact. thought everything was worked out fine already. until a few minutes before midnight of the day of the dinner, rotarian jo called to say he realised something was wrong. turned out there was a misunderstanding. i had thought that 2 pple had separately contacted the same group for the same purpose. so when jo said she knew about it already, i thought that meant it was alright already, since she had gotten the people down. but turns out that was a misunderstanding. the 2 pple were contacting the same group, yes... same function, yes... but same table, no... so it was not until a few min before midnight that rot jo alerted me to this. sigh. luckily, very luckily, jo managed to get people down... sigh...
~grrr... thought my throat was getting better, in fact it was, but yesterday's funfair aggravated it. the funfair was so noisy i had to shout all the way, even if i was just talking to the person standing right next to me. just now i had a sudden coughing fit. coughed until tears came out. better recover soon grrr...
~brought my siblings to ny funfair yesterday. got them some food as lunch first, before bundling them off in a taxi to school. then met up with fenella, who was the only one who bought tix from me... so i had 8 tix to spend, $10 each... for someone who doesn't really shop a lot, in fact i don't, unless i have something to get, that's certainly a LOT of money. brought fenella around getting food first. a hotdog bread from 208, watermelon juice from 307, coconut juice from 210...oops... forgot to get 315's milkshake... so that was, er, my lunch... foodhopping around my classes. then made a few more rounds, but of course, i still hadn't used up all the tix. it seemed almost impossible to use all up... walked around until 1 when fenella left for band, then i went back to join peifen lydia and their friend yeewei( i think). walked around, again. this is how i finished the tix -- biscuits for siblings, earrings + cross stitch for sis and myself, currypuff + coffeepowder + potted plant for papa, book + teapot for mama. i really looked like an aunty, carrying so many plastic bags. 3+pm, papamama came to fetch me (luckily)...and off we went to....
~the national stadium! for syf opening ceremony. my siblings were performing in a dance item in the ceremony, and we were there to support :) they will be performing in ndp too! the entire programme was nice. when the school display bands were playing, my eyes were fixed on the drum major. everytime he or she threw the stick(baton?) i would hold my breath, praying it not to drop. overall it was an enjoyable performance. even my mum, who doesnt' like crowded scenes, kept asking my siblings if they could get ndp tix so we could go watch them again... haha.. hopefully they can get the preview tix.. then we can go again next week.
~finally developed the photos i took with my classes. put into the album already. nice. but i have yet to learn how to burn them into a cd, so that i can pass to my students... i will, soon :p

~older once more~

2006-06-29T21:36:00.000-07:00

~somehow, the excitement over birthdays declines exponentially as one grows older, at least for me. i don't feel excited about my birthday, though i feel excited about others' birthdays. it feels just like any other day. it is, isn't it? birthday doesn't mean that you must specially go all out to celebrate, does it? a little message, a little act, is all it does to tell someone you still remember him/her. usually my family would have a cake, then perhaps, a gift or two. this year, i specifically emphasised not to get anything haha. i am not lacking in anything. should save up (for my fees, haha). thanks peeps for the messages, for the treat. went to the airport with lm to send jas off. another year till the first digit changes...feels so old...
~grrr...the past few days my throat has been feeling itchy and sore, but i wouldn't call that pain. just sore. yesterday, it exploded. it got real real real painful. a terrible sore throat, add in a cough and a fever. omg... this morning went to see doc. the cough med's label states "may cause drowsiness" and it certainly does. my mum was commenting,"finally there is a medicine that can make you feel drowsy". u see, i usually do not feel drowsy even after consuming a med that is said to be drowsy. this time however, it really knocked me out. i had to lie on the mattress, and close my eyes. even if i couldn't sleep, i couldnt' do anything opening my eyes either. so i just had to shut my eyes and rest. 5-6 hours aft the medication, and i still feel groggy. when i stand, i feel like i am floating. grrr.... my next med taking at 10pm... sigh...

~ethelonter lll : qetest rox !!!~

2006-06-25T23:29:00.000-07:00

~back from camp!!! reached home around 4pm yesterday. i am totally burnt now! i have already started to peel. now my forehead has a mixture of paler and really darkened skin. everytime i settle down, my fingers will instinctively feel my burnt, crinkled skin and peel them off...the next thing i know, my shirt is full of small little pieces of crisp charcoal-ed skin, and off i go to the dustbin to make my deposits. my mum finds it very fun to peel off the charred skin. today she was standing in front of me for quite a long time, peeling off my skin, saying it's very fun and cute haha.okie let me update on the camp. it's a very brief update. if i were to relate every single detail, i will never finish. anyway, the essence is always what's felt, what's left unsaid, and not the materials...
20/6 first day of camp. my sis changed my hp wallpaper to a pic of herself.. so tat i wouldn't forget her over the next 5 days :p parents fetched me to clementi mrt. met up with my camp group, then went to nus temasek hall. registered. group 5. qetest. ethelonter lll. placed our luggaged in our rooms, then the prog kicked off. first day morning and afternoon was internal hunt. a fun and interesting way of introducing us to the locations of the various faculties and facilities in the school. had to follow a trail of clues to get from place to place.after dinner was secret pal, where,after being blindfolded, we talked to our sp. at night was mysterious journey. blindfolded, we were led on a trail by the councillors. it was a real dirty journey. starch, mud, dirty water, u name it, we probably had it. so dirty i had to throw away my clothes, both top and bottom, after the journey. i did not even try to salvage them. had to grope in mud water for coin, slide down starch slide, smell funny stuff, throw waterbomb with leg, make sounds of animals we dun usually see etc. it was real dirty. after a while, i just got used to having starch all over me. second day was external hunt. went on buses and trains all over singapore to get to the various homes under csc. very tiring. did lotsa puzzles. i was given the nickname "sophie" though i certainly do not live up to that name.after dinner was sp again. then cluedo night. had to frantically run around visiting many suspects to come to a conclusion. i still remember the "instant honeyed chrysanthemum tea" i had to remember haha. third day was mass games. was assigned different groups. me in purple group. omg... we got betrayed! everyone attacked us with their water bombs. i n my partner were attacking at first, then later run too much, very tired, so switched to defending. the outermost defence, head was sticking out some more. drenched totally. but it was fun! aft lunch was a series of faculty n csc talks. night was twilight hunt. oh dear it was scary! for me, and most other girls. i was very scared. had to walk through dark tunnels where you really cannot see anything.then the councillors who were acting as ghosts would suddenly appear, ask u to do this or that, scare you out of your wits. their acting and makeup are real good! really makes people scared. was grabbing my partner's shoulders as he walked in front. as much as i know these stuff are fake (they are our councillors!!), i just can't help but feel scared. heard there was a girl who cried. and also heard that there was a guy who pushed the girl in front of him...4 per group. 2 guys 2 girls. when we walking from one station to another, the other girl in my group and I were grabbing each other's hands. i was limping too, cos i injured my toe earlier on. toe sprain. didn't know it was a toe sprain yet. thought it wasn't serious. would recover soon. so just walked on. but apparently, the toe swelled. swollen. so the next morning, called on the medic, had ice applied. fourth day was sentosa. ran around the whole day. whole series of activities. fights in the water,hulahooping, chopsticks with marbles, finale.. where everyone just ran anyhow...i actually ran around with my toe sprain! haha..but surprisingly, it felt ok after the activity. i think the ice treatment really helped lotsa. aft the activities, we had a quick bath, then headed over to east coast park. sp revelation. met our sps without blindfolds this time. my sp was saying, anyone who was passing by would think we were from some sort of matchmaking agency haha...aft sp revelation was talentime. my group's dance is superb! hee... hip hop dance. sth very unlike me hur... but still i tried to dance to the best of my ability. quite satisfied with it. the entire group's performance was nice! qetest rox! aft the prog ended, our group stayed on to play games. "never before had i ...", truth or dare. was so sleepy was practically nodding off at around 5 i think. morn packed up. prize presentation. break camp. though qetest didn't win, our spirit was overwhelming. felt like crying many times..when we sang dangnigudan, when lihui our kc was talking, when everyone was talking...sigh...i may be very quiet in the group la, but i really appreciate our councillors' efforts, and our team spirit. i think we really make a great team. though i am terribly burnt now, i must say the camp was great... ethelonter lll, qetest... the spirit lives on...

~pre-camp~

2006-06-18T11:27:00.000-07:00

~got my new specs yesterday. plastic, pale yellow, frameless. still in the process of adapting to the brightness.
~trying to compile what snippets of music that i (n my friends) have composed, both the tune and lyrics, into proper books, so that i can keep them in my memories, and look over them again in the future. thinking of composing a few little small pieces again, now that i have lotsa time. but it all depends on my mood. moods affect the product very much.
~going for a 5 day camp from tomorrow. haven't packed! gonna pack soon...

~2nd visit to assisi~

2006-06-17T23:20:00.000-07:00

~dragged myself out of bed at 5+ this morning for my second visit to assisi. today's nurses were much nicer than those i met last week. today there were only 2 of us, me and carolyn (ny - rjc). each of us tagged along with one nurse. the nurse i was attached to was great! she is indian. i dun noe how to spell her name, but she told me it's pronounced as "my - dehli (delli)". she's responsible, interactive, firm, friendly...everything a nurse should be. learnt a lot from her today. assisted her in cleaning patients, clearing up faeces, changing the patients. when u first start working on a patient, firstly, ensure safety - side bars up, gloves worn, apron worn. secondly, ensure patient's privacy - draw curtain around the bed fully, cover patient when undressed. thirdly, carry out assessment - to assess if a patient can get off the bed and into a chair on his own, ask him to push his butt up and off the bed. oral care is important. use swaps to clean lightly. never rub, as the lips and gums can bleed very easily. skin care is important too. she recommends johnson's baby lotion over soap and water cos the oil prevents bacterial growth, and can clear off any hard-to-remove dirt easily. she gave a patient a haircut too. oh yes, always keep your nails short. my nails aren't very long, they are of a very reasonable length, and yet, just a few minutes after i wore my gloves, there were two holes -- in the glove's right third and fourth fingers. sigh, superstitions and beliefs, be it based on racial or religious grounds, really can stand in the way of medical work. a patient's condition may not allow you to do certain things, but yet you may want it to be done cos you believe it should be done. conflicts never fail to arise, do they? nurse "my-dehli" was asking if my parents were doctors too? it seems like people have the misconception that doctors were born from doctors, doctors must give birth to doctors. maybe astar scholars can carry out research to find out if there really is a gene that somehow affects what career the offspring will have a high tendency of venturing into in future. nurse "my-dehli" really is a great nurse. motivated, tactful, high spirited. glad to have been given the chance to tag along with her, assisting her in her chores.

~sigh~

2006-06-15T13:31:00.000-07:00

~are sundays family days? well, not exactly for me, cos my parents are usually very busy on sundays... everyday is a family day... these past few days, we have been going out as a family very frequently. to causeway point a few times, to bugis, where i went to yun nan book store. got netters. shall go back again in july when the other stocks come in. wa... one book costs more than a semester of jc sch fees. wa..heartpain... brought my siblings to national library too. was reaching out for a book when another book dropped down. hit my leg. pain. but i thought it would go away. unfortunately it didn't. when i looked down, i saw blood. one book! just one book, but it caused me quite a painful cut, and a bit of blood loss...went to the temple, where i accidently tripped at the stone edges, and sustained another little cut on my toe. a little bit more of blood lost. sigh. mum has also been spending the last few nights with me and my siblings, sleeping in the living room, playing a bit of mahjong at night. yest we went to causeway point for eye checkup. made new spectacles too. i was shocked when the optician said my deg decreased by 125 while my sis't went up by 100+. then later on, the names on the card were wrong. i pointed it out. but later it was (supposedly) rectified. then this morning, i realised sth just wasn't right. my sis's eye deg has always been 100+ higher than mine. it makes more sense for both of our eyesight to maintain our deg than for mine to decrease, and my sis's increase, both by 100+. the coincidence, was just too coincidental. then i looked at the figures, and suspected that the optician must have been recording my observations on my sister's card, and vice versa. that explains it. i voiced my suspicions to mum..but she was quite heated up just now... just said everything was right.. but i knew it wasn't. sigh... then later mum said she understood... gotta go back later to rectify the records. sigh sigh sigh... i think recently really spent a lot as a family. books, specs, entertainment etc. it's really not easy to earn $$ and sustain a living...

~"slacking"~

2006-06-11T23:02:00.000-07:00

~i really feel very free now...haha... went ice-skating with my siblings and 2 cousins, ernest and louis, this past wednesday. even though i attended the basic ice-skating course before and can technically skate, i still can't stop myself from letting go. i have this constant nagging fear of falling down... perhaps it's due to the fact that i injured my feet twice before. i was afraid of falling and fracturing my foot again. and i have seen some nasty injuries in the rink as well. because of this, i dare not go fast, i dare not do this, i dare not do that. this is real bad. i really feel like letting myself go, putting aside all my fears and just....well, skate, but i just can't... but i must say it's better than the last time i went already...actually i did fall once that day. i was skating, then i saw my bro and cousin stop by the side. oo, someone i know!!! so i started skating a bit faster. but a bit off balance...i fell just as i reached them. actually falling isn't scary, it's the fear of falling that is scary.
~went assisi yesterday. was very shocked when i saw my biomed senior ningyi there. asked him a little abt uni stuff. according to him, a laptop isn't a must. i have always failed to see the NEED to get a laptop in uni. i already have a computer at home, so why is a laptop a necessity? maybe when i enter uni, i may see why, but for now, i dont' see the need. so i guess i shall wait.
~finished "Angels and Demons" in one and a half days. it's nice! all thanks to my brother, who approached his school library's librarian to ask if there was this book. the librarian then went to purchase a copy of it. so now, my brother is the first borrower of the book, and i am the first reader haha... i feel that angels and demons is more structured than da vinci code, cos the entire story tightly revolves around the one same theme. in fact, i feel that these 2 novels are about the same...same kind of development, so it's possible to predict what will happen when the story unfolds, just the setting and the conflict are different. oo and i am intrigued by ambigrams!!! it's amazing! can all words be written into an ambigram??? it's fascinating.
~went orchard today specially to support my students' fundraising. xinyan has been "chasing" me the past 2 weeks but i wasnt' free so today i MUST go haha... went with my siblings. in the end, only saw 4 of them. donated, then brough my siblings for lunch at taka. saw the yo-yo fast challenge. shopped a bit. went kinokuniya. then to library@orchard. borrowed a book on the afterlife. sounds interesting.

~_~

2006-06-06T23:35:00.000-07:00

~i didn't keep to my resolution of cleaning (till they sparkle) and packing my table and shelves by 2359 sunday night, but i have since started on it, though still unfinished >.<
~finished reading "Love and Death", which investigated the death of Kurt Cobain, and shed light on the evidence that pointed towards the possibility of a murder instead of suicide. sad story. he was only 27. a bitter childhood, a life that involved drugs...yes...but he was an up and rising rock star. sigh. makes me wonder...why's life like that? before i read this book, i didn't know who Kurt Cobain was. upon reading this book, i went to search more about him, and his band, Nirvana. The music sounds ok, and the lyrics, though a little strong and "offensive" at times, brought across the meaning blatantly. sad life.
~nowadays, when i see those cute little stickers in bundles, i still go up and turn up and down to see if they are really nice...then my mum will come up to me and gently remind me "eh you are no longer teaching hor..." yes, i do not need to buy any more of those cute little stickers, but when i see them, i am still "attracted" to them as if i have a real purpose in mind...call that the teaching aftermath...i still have lotsa smileys (stickers), and i still have the moo moo cow chop...
~i don't know why, but i think i really think a lot...see, there i go again...was just thinking...is it so hard to say a "sorry"? it is ironic, but such words are the hardest to say when the occasions for which they were made for arise...

~ka ba boom!!!~

2006-05-31T21:59:00.000-07:00

~grr....grr...grr...wat's wrong with the computer!!! this morning i came in, it was still ok..my singnet account was still running fine. now i just came in, i open it, and everything is empty! inbox, outbox, sent items, "deleted" items, all empty!!! what's happening!!! grr...
~my table is still very messy. i haven't packed it yet. i dont know how to start. to be honest, it is not unreasonably messy, it's just...messy...plain messy...and it doesnt' look pleasing to the eye. i should seriously pack it... ok i resolve to clear, pack, and clean my table and shelves till they sparkle, by this weekend, which means sunday 2359.
~i am indeed very free now, with no work, as in, job, at hand...no more preparation of lessons, marking of stuff, making of ppts hmm...i am very free... have been contemplating if i should find another job. mum is rather against it, says there is only about 2 months. quite true. only another 2 months. quite hard to find a job for that time frame too. sigh. either i am too free or too busy. sigh. extremes, extremes, extremes. when can we ever strike a balance???
~sigh, sometimes i feel this burdened feeling in me, again. i just can't make a decision i deem is best. there are so many complications with every decision made, i never know which will eventually be the best bargain. to be fair, no decision is without risk. maybe i aren't much of a risk taker. i admit i aren't. but times like these just make you think, knowing you wont' get anywhere, making you feel frustrated, pent-up. ARGH!!!

~rotaract~

2006-05-28T22:56:00.000-07:00

~went for rotaract club installation at assisi home and hospice today with jess. we were the only 2 hc there...others rj, 1 vj...didn't know anybody except jess haha.. saw manu my sec 2 french classmate, and amanda, my p3 classmate. didn't recognise amanda..she looked so different. she asked me," are u from pei hwa?" i said,"yes" she said,"i think we were in the same class". then i thought hard, very hard..then i remembered! amanda transferred to ny in p4... talked for a long time with 2 senior rotarians... talked abt medicine, dentistry, the passion to serve...left at around 515..then went to the mph book fair at expo with my family. there were so many books! the more I looked, the more books i wanted...so I had to stop haha... there was one embarrassing moment #_# i saw this book i was interested in, so i picked it up, then the guy nearby said,"sorry but that's mine" and i went,"very sorry..very sorry"... the problem is the box was so full of books i didnt' realise it his box of books..i thought i was just another box of books laid out for sale at the fair..so embarrassing... eventually...bought a few books..then went for dinner...

~argh argh argh~

2006-05-28T09:59:00.000-07:00

~sigh...frustrated...i haven't packed my table, and looking through the nus academic guide really gives me headaches, heartaches...should i stay in the hostel?? ok that's still a small problem... finances are the headachy ones... another minor problem -- books? argh ... uni really seems like a haven of uncertainty waiting for us (at least that's how i feel with respect to myself >.< ) to venture into. do it or die.

~sob sob~

2006-05-25T21:51:00.000-07:00

~it's my official last day at ny as a relief teacher today. had lotsa loose ends to tie...marked finish prac 7.2, and all the sias...plus those i marked yesterday..assignments 6, 7 etc... plus the recording of marks, both soft and hard copy...had lesson with 315...they were already sort of in holiday mood..didn't take class photo, just took a few with a few students...thanks brenda dorlisa felicia for your notes! and thanks sock keng for your card! thanks!
~307!!! thanks for the -censored- XXL blouse!!! i really appreciate all the effort... all of your writings on the entire blouse, and those french, german?, jap phrases...plus those quotes... everything is very nice, cos it's by you gals! really thanks a lot! it's comfortably hanging on a hangar now. don't worrie :p it's really very nice, very touching. do you know what i was protecting when i alighted from the bus in the sporadic thunderstorm?? the XXL blouse!!! thanks!!! love ya gals! ( not because of the blouse la..haha.., but for everything...)
~thanks steffi for your little cup, stars and note! thanks jiamin for your letter and cactus! even though it has dropped out, but it still remains strong :) thanks xinyi for your stars! yes they are rather small haha... which makes it all the more harder to fold them! thanks!
~thanks gals for giving me a meaningful 5 months...

~med checkup~

2006-05-24T22:02:00.000-07:00

~went for med check up and hep b screening at the university health and wellness centre at yusof ishak house, nus, on monday,with jess. there were many people there, some of whom were also soon-to-be-nus-undergrads. registered, took queue number. checked eyesight. oh dear... i think the astig in my right eye has increased a lot! i couldn't see anything! not that i couldn't "see", more of...the black bold lines that i could see clearly all blurred together, so i couldn't discern exactly what letter it was...oh dear... better go check soon...then came blood test for hep b screening. i told the nurse i was scared of blood. after drawing the blood, she waved the tube of blood at me and said,"look at your blood. are you going to faint now :p"... no i am not...haha...i have tried to change since very long ago, and i have improved a little..i will continue to overcome my fear of blood :) my blood continued to flow out after pasting the plaster, so i had to go back to the nurse again. this time, she said,"see la, scared of blood, now even more blood" don't worry, i am on the path to overcome the fear :p aft the blood test, had to wait to see the doc. while waiting, i realised that the receptionist had forgotten to direct me to go take urine test. so i went for the urine test. and because of that, i had to requeue.....finally came my turn to see the doc..quite fast...aft that, went for x-ray...then tada..done... the entire process took quite a few hours...cos of the waiting time...jess and I then went for lunch at the canteen, after which, we went ps to look for stuff. at 530, i met up with jane casie geraldine. talked about our courses over dinner. gera going accountancy at ntu, jane unsure of chi at ntu or nus, casie deciding bet ntu mass com and nus business... gd luck in your choices! oh yes, happy birthday casie!
~went back to hc yesterday to see the teachers. in order of "appearance", mrs foo, mr remedios, mr lee. ms ong was no where to be found....she wasn't in school... mr lee had a sore throat..i just recovered from one..haha.. hope he recovers soon!
~sigh...i spent so many hours last night trying to do up the slides, putting in pictures, cutting down on long sentences and putting in questions...i try to make it nice and "friendly", i put effort into it, but what do i get in return? sigh...sometimes, or, many times, it's very discouraging...
~official last day tomorrow...

~big walk~da vinci code~

2006-05-21T23:05:00.000-07:00

~went for newpaper big walk today. who turned up? jy lm jess irenewong me qq yk k jeff wj. last year i was there in "name" but not in "person" cos i injured my knee ligament. this year is effectively my first big walk. ok la, it isn't strenuous. but i bruised my leg. i remember knocking my leg against the road divider but i thought the redness was nothing, it would go away after a while. but just now, i realised there was a big painful bruise at that spot :( after big walk, we went to suntec for lunch and movie -- da vinci code. i had read the book and was immensely hooked on it, so i was very interested in watching the movie. but the book is much nicer than the movie...u get to crack the codes, totally immerse yourself in the suspense at your own pace, and there are more details in the book than the movie. but anyway, it's worth a watch.

~now i know~

2006-05-21T00:19:00.000-07:00

~seeing and hearing of people getting their acceptance letters, knowing where they would be heading to really made me feel quite "helpless" some time ago. i didnt' know where i would be heading, what the future holds for me, what i would be doing, where i would end up... just got news today, er or yesterday...got what i wanted, and i will be able to stay local as well...was very hyper when i got the news, now the hyper-ness has died down. i think my family members are glad it did. now uni seems quite a big big thing. it's a whole new thing, a whole new phase...i feel rather uncertain about it...
~big walk tomorrow...or today, to be exact

~super duper tired~

2006-05-19T21:58:00.000-07:00

~i am super drained after the full day assessment...yawn...the feverish feeling has sort of subsided, but the throat is still sore...
~i miss u gals... especially when i look back at the times we have had...and i realise...they will forever be memories...

~thank you very much gals :'( ~

2006-05-18T22:32:00.000-07:00

~today was my last day with 3 classes...
208: we first took a photo at the "garden". then back to the classroom. thanks a lot 208 for the handmade card and sk pendant. the card is very cute! it's very nice, really. and the pendant is very nice too. don't worry, i won't go and change it. thanks a lot 208 *sniff*
307: lab session. aft tat, we took a photo by the ecopond. then back to the lab. gave out the cards and sweets. then came the cake. thanks 307 for the chocolate cream cake! and the song "thank you and goodbye ms lim" which u all sang to the tune of happy birthday...you all sang so loudly! ms christine lee heard it and asked me about it haha. we went in search of an empty bench where we could settle down to eat the cake, but to no avail. we eventually ended up at an even better placle! the podium! haha... eating cake at the podium. the cake was nice! thanks thanks. hugged jiawen.. and got a pat on the head from huiqi haha... thanks gals *sniff*
210: gave out cards and sweets first, then came the card and cake. thanks gals! the card is nice! though i see you gals had a tough time squeezing in a few words each haha. and the cake is very nice too. sorry i couldn't eat too much, cos i am having a very bad sore throat.. but i did eat some.. and it's nice..thanks! and the sour yellow and red er..fruits? haha. then we took class photo and many other group photos, among which many were er candid photos... thanks to claudia :p thanks once again gals... and thanks eunice and dorothy too, for your individual messages... thanks ... *sniff*
really thanks a lot gals! i appreaciate whatever you all have done. i may not have cried during your lessons, but i admit there were many times today there i felt like crying, especially when i was alone, after i left your class... realising that i will never again step into your class, face the entire class, and conduct a lesson... it really makes me feel very sad... no pain, yes, but no laughter as well... i will be back to visit you gals! thanks for everything! i have had a nice time with you all... *sniff sniff*

~last day~

2006-05-17T22:34:00.000-07:00

~alr felt a sore throat and fever working their way up on monday..today in school really felt terrible, especially in the staffroom with the air con on... kept drinking water.. don't know how many times i walked down to 2nd level staffroom to refill my bottle..and i lost count of how many times i visited the ladies today...n i tripped on my way up, yes up, the stairs...oh dear... went jogging just down with papa and bro, wanting to sweat out some heat...
~last day with 208 210 307 tomorrow :(

~why~

2006-05-15T22:31:00.000-07:00

~i really don't understand why...it's really this li4 bu4 chong2 xin1 sensation... i have tried, but maybe not hard enough...but there isn't much i can do now...i am still trying...
~saw this quote in 208, credits to 108 "aim for the moon. even if you miss, you will fall among the stars"

~happy mother's day :)~

2006-05-14T22:11:00.000-07:00

~just came back from my relative's place. celeb happy mother's day. got flowers and a pair of shoes for mummy :) my siblings and I had to tou1 tou1 mo1 mo1 buy the shoes a few days ago, without raising any suspicions haha...
~class gathering yesterday. started off with a game of basketball, followed by dinner at swensens, then mission impossible lll. it was very fun seeing everyone again, and playing what we usually played during breaks -- basketball ... reminiscing... had a bad backache and neck ache after the movie cos we were sitting in the first few rows, but the show was nice. will be watching it again, with my siblings... waiting for da vinci... hope it's nice :)
~lotas markings to do!!! i just cleared a few stacks... and i still have many more stacks... some still waiting to be collected... and i am on to my last week with 3 classes, second last week with 1 class ... ... ... everything is very rushed... but i do hope to end my stint as nicely as possible...

~politics~

2006-05-07T23:05:00.000-07:00

~i must admit i have never been very much interested in politics before. it's only in recent months, especially with the just past elections, that i became interested in it. i think i still wasn't mature enough to truly understand what was going on during the previous election. this election, i followed the news. politics can be quite hard to comprehend, but it can be interesting as well. listened to the entire report last night. my siblings were counting how many times the man went up to the podium to announce the electoral results. wanted to pop by the stadium to catch some of the rallies but didnt' get to do so. even then, at home, we could clearly hear the noise from the stadium. 2006 elections is now over. wait till 5 years later.
~suddenly remembered...ny seems to be undergoing a "facelift". on friday, a few small sections were being tested with different coloured paint. grey... looks like nj. purple ... er . beige... gives me a fu4 gu3 sensation...reminds me of hwachong..hci... still prefer the current colour.
~went cycling with fenella karen lisa today. sembawang park. so funny... only fenella and karen had their wallets. on the way out of the park, we passed by a coffeeshop, decided to have dinner there. and we were on a budget cos only 2 people had their wallets. so whatever we ordered, we had to look closely at the price. we ordered those kind where a few people share a few dishes together. we were hesitant when someone asked if we wanted to buy drinks. cos we dared not anyhow order, later end up washing dishes there haha...
~ok back to school tomorrow !

~cuts cuts cuts~

2006-05-06T10:00:00.000-07:00

~wonder why...but i have been getting paper cuts these few days. just tat day, i realised i got a paper cut on my right third finger when i felt a tingling pain after washing my hands. then yesterday, in school, before my first lesson, i cut myself on the right fourth finger, not deep, but a long one. then after my last lesson, i cut myself on the right fifth finger. so now, each of my right third fourth and little finger has a paper cut on it...how "nice" -_-
~have been thinking about the days after 'a's and about the days i am about to embark ... though i still don't know where exactly i will end up, but the prospsect of entering "university" still seems very overwhelming. i can't believe it ... but i have been relief teaching at a stretch ever since after 'a's for 5 months! it seems like just yesterday when i stepped into ny as a teacher. and now, i am close to the end of my stint. fast isn't it? yes, very. time flies, how true this is.

~groggy~

2006-05-03T22:13:00.000-07:00

~couldn't sleep well last night. the kids above were making so much noise. woke up today feeling like i haven't woken up yet. even in school! didn't feel the energy. really felt very sleepy...was afraid i would teach the wrong things, but fortunately no. not to forget i wasn't very well yesterday, kept running to the toilet. but i finished reading an entire book while i wasn't in the right state of mind to do anything related to school work yesterday.
~managed to survive today, reasonably well...felt a sense of tighteness when i realised the schedule is getting tighter once again. the already passed labour day, the upcoming vesak day, sports day, sabbaticals... meaning? no lessons!!! so it's down to proper management of lesson time to finish teaching all the stuff...again...3 + more weeks... the trainee teachers are ending their training stint here this friday...the few of us just-finished-'a'-levels relief teachers should, or, will, be leaving end this term...at first i thought i effectively ended in week 9, but i realised 'o' level classes still have lessons in week 10. so i still have to come back in week 10. and anw, i think i have to go back and settle lotsa stuff..all the marking of sias!!! etc etc etc...
~tagging along to the science centre with the sec 2s tomorrow...felt a bit weird when i saw my name on the consent form under the column "accompanying teacher" haha... hope it is fun...

~done!~

2006-05-02T12:03:00.000-07:00

~yea!!! forced myself to sit down and finish marking the sec 3 scripts without wandering around. managed to do so, excluding the break for lunch. finished them in the early afternoon on sunday :) not easy to mark at all, with essays and graphs ... aft that, i took a break, a little break haha ... started marking the sec 2 scripts at night ... finished yesterday morning ... these were easier to mark than the sec 3s' ones ... ok time to chop chop and paste stickers here and there agian :)
~went for hc strings concert inspirations vi yesterday at vch. so many unfamiliar faces in the orchestra haha ... but the concert was nice ... how come it sounds nicer when i listen as an audience than when i was one of the players? haha ...
~ok back to marking ... no more scripts, but lotsa more other stuff to mark ... and more notes to make ...

~mark mark mark~

2006-04-29T22:35:00.000-07:00

~oh dear oh dear i think teaching is really taking a toll on my voice. it's feeling harder and harder to project, not to forget that my voice wasn't very loud initially to being with. notes are also getting harder to make...handwritten notes...selfmade notes...not to forget the copyright laws... and i have just spent 3 days bringing home loads of test papers, spas, ws..what not...to mark...oh dear... so many things to mark... mark mark mark, all the way ... ... ...

~quote~

2006-04-19T16:50:00.000-07:00

~was at MCYS for psc psychological interview today. 3 hours long... saw this poster at the back of the door of a cubicle in the ladies with this quote -- "if you love something, let it go. if it returns, it's yours. if it doesn't, it never was." i think it's very beautiful. the background of a palm letting free some butterflies complemented the quote well. nice.

~titleless~

2006-04-10T22:45:00.000-07:00

~wore my bright yellow top again today.... monday blues... need something bright to neutralise it :p was in the canteen today accompanying serene for her lunch when a sec 4 girl came to ask if i was miss laura. was pleasantly surprised. felt so sorry, i didnt recognise her face. but i remembered her name. she was my viola junior from strings. she says she still remember me clapping my hands counting the beats. haha... will drop by one day... but seems like i must first get permission to drop by... oh yes... was very affected by my sis's message this morning. so sad... sigh... very sad...

~tired, tired~

2006-04-07T22:59:00.000-07:00

~feeling very tired today ... it's the weekend, once again. i think the pace of things is gonna pick up bit by bit -- is that an understatement, i wonder. sometimes you stare ahead, wondering what to do, thinking you have nothing to do, even though you very well know you have lots of things to do. i think this is some sort of psychological deception. you are not looking forward to what you should do, so you deceive yourself into thinking you have "nothing much", or in fact, "nothing" to do at all. so you go around stoning, thinking you are very free, till the very last minute when reality tugs real hard at you then you go scrambling around getting started on whatever was supposed to have already been accomplished by that time. sounds familiar? unfortunately so. many a time i get lost when i think too much. to sum up, things aren't as simple as they seem to be, or as you perceive them to be. many a time, too many in fact, you realise this at the last moment, and you are lost. nothing is definite. sigh.

~sec 3 ptm~

2006-03-31T22:38:00.000-08:00

~sec 3 ptm today. 4-530 was parents-meet-teachers-in-classroom session. i was supposed to stay in the staffroom unless any parent needed to see me. none came. so i continued marking stuff, clearing stuff. 545 packed up. 6 went for the talk in the audi. ended at 720, then went out for light refreshments with lydia. talked to 3 parents. then went home. oh i was bitten by ants! it was dark, and i didnt' realise i was standing in a spot where there were ants, till i felt a few sharp throbs on my feet and knee area. then i guessed i must stepped into an ant-infested area. ant bites aren't tat painless afterall. oh yes 307 ah cheeky peeps :p placed a fake mouse on the whiteboard ledge right beside the marker. i must admit it looked real. was stunned when i picked up the marker. mouse on whiteboard ledge?? stared at the "mouse" for quite a while, half expecting it to move? haha... then i realised it wasnt' going to, cos it was fake. but hey, i didn't scream haha... but yes it looked real. tomorrow's april fool's! it's my cousin's birthday! and no, it's no joke, it IS my cousin's birthday haha.

~titleless

2006-03-30T22:29:00.000-08:00

~sec 3 ptm tmr! have to stay in school until 8pm...~

~bright bright~

2006-03-29T21:48:00.000-08:00

~don't know why also ... was out of sorts yesterday ...
wore a yellow top to school today. everyone's first reaction was "wow so bright" :p
sigh got a cut on my thumb unknowingly. and i didn't know it. kept rubbing and rubbing, felt pain but didn't know why. just saw that there is actually a cut there. wonder how it got there.

~progress report~

2006-03-23T22:40:00.000-08:00

~yea i remember... what a mad rush it was on monday... it appeared that my nygh email account had some problems. didn't receive the email about the password. so while i was thinking thinking how come the pw still not out, i was actually supposed to have finished the remarks. monday returned to school, got a shock when i was told the reports were be launched that monday afternoon, which means i had to finish everything by then!!! and i had lessons all the way that day! had to rush during whatever time i could. fortunately my mad rush enabled me to finish by early afternoon. phew. but i regretted not being able to write remarks for everyone sigh...

~mini gathering~

2006-03-21T22:50:00.000-08:00

~met up with fenella and lisa at clementi mrt today at 1+ pm. fenella said i look prettier :p haha... seems like everyone is either already well into their driving lessons, or has already gotten started on their theory tests. i haven't even registered. should try to go register sometime this week... bukit gombak or yck... think i may be going to yck, seems a little more convenient than bukit gombak. so the 3 of us went to clementi central to eat lunch, discussed courses, books etc. we haven't seen one another for a very very very long time already. i can't remember when also. taking of 'o' level results? i can't remember... after lunch, we went to ky's house. played mahjong. so nice to see "old" friends again.
~recently finished this book called "closed book" by gilbert adair. initially thought i wouldn't last the entire book, but it was proven otherwise. i had thought i would lose interest as the entire book was written in the form of conversations. the entire book, in " ... ". direct speech the entire book. even the introduction. it's different from the usual novels i read. nice book.
~for the past 2 and a half days, i have been hooked on dan brown's "the da vinci code". many people have read it already, but i haven't been able to borrow it in the past. thanks hf for lending me. this is the first time i am so hooked on a book. it really drew me in, intrigued me, enthralled me. a very nice book indeed. i was particularly thrilled about the PHI. the divine proportion. "1.618". made me want to study mathematics again. haha...

~class treat for teachers~

2006-03-19T22:27:00.000-08:00

~started my day off yesterday doing slides...i m never finished doing slides or marking stuff it seems...in the afternoon, i accompanied hf to hsa to donate blood. at the doorstep of hsa, i still called home once more to ask if i could donate blood...but mummy still doesnt' allow haha..papa doesnt' want too..ok this sounds childish but ya..my parents dun feel comfortable with me donating blood as yet..so well.. wait haha... aft that, we went to orchard mrt..then went taka. saw jane and her mother :) 530, we went back to orchard mrt to meet up with the rest, after which, we went to the restaurant. we had to take a bus for 4 stops to reach the destination. since i was travelling mostly by mrt, i had borrowed my bro's card to use for the day. wanted to use my card when boarding the bus, but couldn't find it in time, so used my bro's card too... so us, approximately 10 people, boarded the bus... there goes... "ti, ti, ti" and suddenly u hear a "ti-ti" haha... quite obvious... jess heard it, turned around and smiled at me :p so we reached the restaurant. 3 tables. mr remedios mr lee mr tan turned up. finally saw ws! haha... seems like a long time ago when everyone saw him...ate, talked, sang...till 9 plus..some then went to mr lee's house to watch... soccer...some left, the rest of us decided to walk over to great world city to watch V for Vendetta. midnight movie at 00 10. it was the second midnight movie i watched. the first was with my pw mates when we had our pw stayover :p so this time, yes, midnight movie once again. randomly distributed the movie tickets. the movie was nice. i didnt' sleep!!! haha... ended at 02 30. took cab home. reached home ard 03 30. first time reaching home so late..or early, for that matter. so it's school reopen tomorrow... so many things to do!!!

~argh~

2006-03-18T00:37:00.000-08:00

~it's past midnight. tonight there's the treat for the teachers. before that, i am undecided. blood donation or ark cafe??? i want to donate blood, but mum doesnt' seem very pleased with it... but i can go and accompany hf... or ark cafe? acc jy... argh....

~hooked~

2006-03-15T23:43:00.000-08:00

~my brother was listening to songs on the computer this morning when i was marking worksheets... got hooked to this line of the song "lonely" -- lonely, i am so lonely, i have nobody, so on my own...

~open houses~

2006-03-12T10:25:00.000-08:00

~apps stuff can get very frustrating at times... sigh... went for ntu open house on sat, listened to the talk on double deg in biomed sci and tcm. it sounds quite interesting. went around taking brochures, walked around a bit, then left. yesterday, we went for nus open house. last year i missed the med talk, this year we made it on time. 10 years to a gp, 15 years to a specialist... 20+15=35!!! wow... listened to dentistry talk too... then went to the booths to collect brochures. saw my srp mentor. talked to her about pharmacy... to get a phd in pharmacy, u spend about the same time as a medical student trying to become a specialist... after that, hf and i went for the pharmacy talk... much of what was said i already had some idea of... so yesterday's open house served more of a confirmation session and a time for me to clarify some doubts... after that went singing with hf k v at clementi...was very tired when i reached home...one more week to sch reopen..must start packing away all brochures....start marking...start ppt-ing...

~super duple triple quadruple confused~

2006-03-06T23:22:00.000-08:00

~i don't know..very confused..once again..as usual....
i was thinking along the lines of venturing into life sciences, but advice is that life sciences sector is saturated, so it's not very advisable to venture into it now...next on the list...mathematics...but i don't want to study pure mathematics. i would prefer mathematics-related subjects, but not pure maths. thinking of statistics. but i am not very sure of the career prospects. so now, course is a headache. next is scholarships applications. i don't know what scholarships should i even try to apply, cos i am not even sure of my course! and what more...deadlines for scholarship applications are dangerously near...some close this friday!!! others next week!!! i am very confused now indeed...

~super duple triple confused~

2006-03-05T20:36:00.000-08:00

~i have been thinking, thinking, thinking... but still... i haven't come to anything yet... i can't seem to enter websites... i can't seem to organise my thoughts... sigh... before results were released, we worried about results... now that the results are here, we are stil worrying... won't our worries come to an end... i guess not...think think think...

~super duple blur~

2006-03-04T11:45:00.000-08:00

~VERY CONFUSED!!! VERY BLUR!!! ARGH!!!~

~confused~

2006-03-03T23:32:00.000-08:00

~very confused now...what am i supposed to do? apply? for? many question marks everywhere - ? ?? ??? - unis? any scholarships? i don't know!!! very confused... and seems like deadlines are looming ... some are closing next week!!! oh dear... and here i am, not having the slightest idea what i am supposed to be doing now... the clock is ticking, furiously, but here i am, staring at it, knowing i need to do somethingS, but not knowing what...

~'a's~

2006-03-02T21:58:00.000-08:00

~'a's results out yesterday. thought i would cry, just like 'o's when i cried very much before the results were released. but i didn't. i did feel like crying when i was in the auditorium and before it was my turn to take the results, but i didn't actually cry. i was quite surprised. and i was shocked with my results too. but i am happy. not a perfect score card, but better than expected already. now that results are here, i don't know what i am supposed to do now. suddenly very confused. must seriously start looking up courses soon.

~all the best~

2006-02-28T19:43:00.000-08:00

~it's tomorrow!!! really reminds me of the taking of 'o' level results 2 years back...wishing everyone all the best for their results =)

~recording~

2006-02-27T22:44:00.000-08:00

~went to the piano, recorded some songs, then brought to the computer to try if i can listen them here. i can!!! i am not sure why but they actually sound nicer than when i hear myself play on the piano... no i am not being ego haha... but really, i find they sound nicer than when i play on the piano...not sure why also.... ok..i shall go play and record more songs to hear on my computer =)
~two more days ...

~wat's passion~

2006-02-24T22:07:00.000-08:00

~went for dsta final selection interview this morning. this interview went the most comfortably, but it was also the most flopped one haha.. ok maybe i shouldn't say flopped, but, the most "rejected" one. the 2 intervierwers were very nice. it wasn't tense or strung up in anyway. it was casual, sort of like a formal chit chat session..maybe that sounds contradictory but that's how i can describe it best.. formal but yet chit chat... it went something like that
intervierwer:"so what did u apply for?"
me:"mathematics"
inter:"oh math"
me:"ya math ... i was told in the first interview it was impossible to get a scholarship for math"
inter:"it's not impossible, but we only offer the most 1 or 2 for math, so we give to only the very very top in math"
me:"i see"
inter:"are u top 5 in the country in math?" *top 5 , not top 5 %
me:"no"
inter:"top 10?"
me:"no"
the above is a segment of the interview... i also learnt from the interview that angles in a triangle can add up to more than 180 degress... and also how to prove that there is no such thing as the largest prime... they asked if i wanted engineering, and i said i cannot be sure i will take up engineering cos seriously, i am not sure my interest lies in engineering... so well.. this interview.. haha... treat it as a comfortable formal chit chat... but yes, the interviewers kept emphasising that it is important to pursue my passion. if my passion is maths, i should go for it. he mentioned quite a number of fields that i could venture into, but i can't really remember the terms now... he, for one, studied maths in uni too! but didn't do anything related to math after graduating from uni. yes passion... i have been thinking... what is my passion? pursue my passion...passion...
~results out on this coming wednesday!!!!! oh dear... oh dear... sigh sigh... it's true that the results will be out sooner or later... but sigh... how how how... wednesday!!! ok calm down... 5 more days...

~thinking mode~

2006-02-19T09:00:00.000-08:00

~maybe i am too sensitive a soul, maybe i think too much, maybe maybe maybe...so many doubts...so many uncertainties...you, or at least i, just never know why certain things happen the way they do, why certain things are they way they are, why why why...there are many things, i don't understand the significance behind them happening, their purpose, their exact meaning...sometimes, or many a time, things happen completely out of expectation...and i don't know, i never will know, why they were they way they were...~
~thinking mode, as usual~

~hApPiE vAlEnTiNe'S dAy~

2006-02-14T21:17:00.000-08:00

~happy valentine's day everyone~
~was doing ppt this morning... doing and animating genetic crosses on powerpoint is definitely no easy task!!! -_-"
~went to the library to look for materials...dont' know why...maybe it's because of sth i had eaten earlier, or maybe it's cos of the ppt & animation stuff i was doing all morning, i felt "headachy" and nauseous when in the library. i think the aircon in the library made things worse. found my stuff, photocopied ,then went over to causeway point.
~causeway point was literally flooded!!! queues for all the eateries were so long!!! at one of the eateries, there was this "queue no." machine which reminded me of those at clinics...so super croweded...went to buy some stuff...then went home...
~tired tired~

~rainbow~

2006-02-11T23:04:00.000-08:00

~forgot to say that there was this day... i think it was monday... we saw a very beautiful rainbow in the sky at ny... it was really very nice. u could see the distinct colours, yet the boundaries were not so distinct such that you could see lines demarcating the different colours. the different colours blended nicely into one another, forming a smooth transition of colours... very nice =)

~no specific title~

2006-02-10T20:51:00.000-08:00

~was carrying out a test in a class on wednesday. as usual, i asked if them to check their test papers to see if there were any missing pages. what happened next was really what i hadn't expected. nearly half of the class, or maybe it was half of the class, or maybe a few more than half the class..anyway..MANY hands went up!!! some had page 2 missing, some page 3, others, 4 or 5 or 6.. i was stunned!!! haha... so i changed my copy with the one who had page 2 missing, while i ran up to the staffroom(3rd floor..the classroom was on 1st floor) to find the teacher in charge... she wasn't there....so i checked her timetable...only to realise she was actually just 2 doors down from me!!! so i ran down again to find her. there were no spare copies..so.... i had to copy out all the questions on pages 4-6... 15 mcq questions... with quite a number of diagrams!!! there were lotsa to copy... the question, the diagram, all 4 choices per question.. not to forget i couldn't take too much time copying or the students wouldn't have time to complete them...so i copied the first 5 questions ( the board could only take 5 questions), looked at the time, realised it wouldn't be a wise idea to continue copying the other 10 qns on the board... so i counted the no. of copies of pages 5 and 6 (on same sheet of paper) i had... 3..just nice..there were 3 without pg 5 , 3 without pg6...so i passed 3 of them page 5, then after 10 min, passed the same sheet of paper to those without pg 6.. wow... the students were not the only ones feeling nervous and racking their brains over how to answer the questions, i was too haha...
~'o's results released today...went to the hall to see how the school did... i don't really know anyone taking results this year, and i wasn't one of them there in the hall waiting to take results, but i could feel exactly the same feelings that i had felt 2 years back..sitting there, the same hall, the same scenario...still remember crying before results were released... sigh... looking back, that doesnt' seem so far away... though i wasn't the one taking results today, but somehow, when i saw the girls cheering, the girls crying, i felt sentimental too... wonder when 'a's will be released... very scared sigh...

~internal moving house~

2006-02-06T23:33:00.000-08:00

~had a major internal shift yesterday... moved a book shelf from my sis's n my room to my bro's room. discarded the cupboard which one housed my sis's and my clothes. transferred the clothes to another cupboard, which now, is also home to my jc files and notes haha... then moved my bro's table to the edge and translocated the computer table + computer from my bro's room over to my sis's and my room. so now... i can use the comp later into the night... realise this entire para sounds a bit confusing.. nvm... bottomline is: major internal shift took place. and not to forget, before all those shelves were moved, we had to take out everything in them, and then replace them again later. hard work indeed =)
~went jogging with daddy and bro yesterday... haven't played badminton for quite a while... missing the badminton sessions...
~finished mitch albom's "five people you meet in heaven", a book i borrowed from lm. it's a nice book =) i like the arrangement of the content and the way the thoughts progress... very nice. worth a read.

~cny, sis's bd~

2006-02-03T23:59:00.000-08:00

~went over to liming's house for class gathering just this past tuesday. quite a number of people came -- me lm hf ms jy jess g jo k v yk jeff joel wj qq yk. talked, played a bit of piano, played cards, sang a bit, lao yu sheng. wanted to stay longer but couldn't as i had to go bai nian. left around 430. nice to see so many people together again =)
~just went to watch "i not stupid too /2 " just now with my family. i heard it was touching but didn't know i would be that touched. i cried so many times!!! yes i admit, i am an extremly, overly emotional soul. i am trying not to be that emotional, but it seems quite hard. i don't remember when was the last time i really cried... but i really cried hard during the movie. just couldn't control, me the uncontrollably emotional freak. there were others who cried too, wonder if they cried as hard. the young kids, though, were laughing. there was a group of young kids sitting in the row infront of me. it was near the end of the movie when i realised they kept turning around. think they were amused at how come i kept crying haha. it is a touching movie.

~xin nian chu yi~

2006-01-29T21:06:00.000-08:00

~shou sui last night, or rather, this morning...till around 4.40am...woke up at 8 plus...then started preparing for our first day of cny...i had an extremely hard time putting in my contacts today. maybe it's because i haven't wore contacts for a very long time already. the last time i wore contacts was prom night haha. the right one was still ok, but the left one..took eons for me to put in...kept dropping out...then when i finally had both in, i felt discomfort in my right eye. but didn't have time to take out and rewear, so i just controlled. it was real uncomfortable. watery images, itchiness. i brought my spec box but not the contacts box and lotion, so i couldn't take out and rewear. so i just bear with the discomfort...from morn till i reached my grandma's place...then when i was eating some stuff, the discomfort really overwhelmed me. teared badly. couldn't really see. no choice. went to dispose of the contacts (those were daily contacts). hope my contacts will be alright tomorrow...

~happi cny everyone~

2006-01-29T00:38:00.000-08:00

~had SAT today at singapore american school. i like their classroom. their toilets are clean too. had to walk a long way in to the high school section for the exam. the first thing i did when i reached the school, after finding my classroom, was to look for the toilet. i seem to be the only one going to that particular toilet. maybe it's because it's stated "staff toilet" haha. but really, no one seems to use it. there is no queue whatsoever whenever i use it, which is good =) i was seated right in the front, right next to the door. felt so stupid. i didn't know that for every 25 min section on the exam, someone could be doing eng while another was doing math. so when mine was eng, i was very surprised when i kept hearing calculator noises. i was thinking : why would eng require calculator? and aren't calculators prohibited on an eng section? i very nearly wanted to ask the invigilator. i was scared. i kept looking at the board to make sure that i was working on the right section. then later it struck me...for the same 25 min, someone else could be doing a different section from me, depending on how his or her booklet was printed...so stupid..haha... reached the school at 735am.. exam ended at 1pm!!! it was mentally exhausting...had a hard time trying to prevent my stomach my growling too loudly during the exam...u could hear, distinctly, many growling sounds throughout the exam as the classroom was so quiet haha... yeah SAT over!!!
~after SAT, came home...was real tired. took a nap. then it was busy time!!!
~"bathed" my piano, gave it a new coat of polish, changed it's skin...the covering is now totally black...the covering is expensive! must maintain well...but it's still not my ideal piano covering...wonder if i can make my own next time haha... then cleaned all the cabinets, trophies, photographs...wonder when was the last time these things were cleaned...the trophies were so so so dirty...one had something, i don't know what, growing on it..eeeeks... so dirty.. and my fingers felt very painful after washing and drying the cloth after so many times...had to squeeze dry... then wet then dry..and the cloth was rough..but it felt good when the cabinets looked clean...and the on-display items "changed colour" :p
~HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR EVERYONE =)

~cny celebrations~

2006-01-26T20:51:00.000-08:00

~ny celebrated cny today...felt just like yesterday when i was like one of those gals in white, sitting in the hall, straining my neck to see the performances, fanning myself unsuccessfully with my hands haha...cny is here...
~over the course of yest and today, i brought home all the worksheets practicals quizzes to mark...i predict that my cny hols won't be spend idling away haha...just realised that i will have to carry everything i have brought back home to mark, back to school next wed. how am i going to do that? it's really a huge stack!!! it would already be an achievement, a great one at that, to be able to finish marking them over the hols. giving the ticks and crosses is ok...but giving the mark is not...i have to think 1 or 2? and i hate to fail people. i will go through the entire ws or quiz again if the marks tally to give a "fail". i hate failing people. but when i really have no choice..i have to...
~yesterday's sec 2 science lesson was eh...amusing...it the topic of reproduction. i started off with the male repro system. was explaining the struc and function of the various parts. i must have gotten into the habit of saying"your this your that". i kept going "your testis", "your scrotum" then i will quickly shake my head and say "oh no! it's not "your" " only to repeat the "your" syndrome the next minute. was glad when i reached the female repro system. then i could safely use the word "your" haha. i was using real life things to draw analogies. things include...balloons, pear, eggs. the class was like..oh no..no more fruits..haha...by the end of the lesson, i think they won't dare to eat anything already haha...
~oh i have my new year resolution :p want to know? ask me >_<

~resolutions~

2006-01-23T23:25:00.000-08:00

~new year resolutions? wanted to come up with a list of things i wanted to work towards to in 2006 on eve of new year but couldn't come up with anything concrete as i still have no idea what i will be in for the rest of the year. it's hard visualising the light at the end of the tunnel when, at the junction, you don't even know which tunnel you will be headed towards. to begin with, there is no tunnel anywhere in sight yet.
~year-long resolutions an impossible task? shall settle for short term ones then. SAT this saturday... grrrrrr..... there are many things i want to do after SAT...
>>mark finish all worksheets and quizzes over CNY break
>>do up ppt slides over CNY break
>>take up driving lessons
>>do some community service
>>find a part time music or tuition job
>>master well certain piano pieces
>>compose songs
~thanks ms wong for your CNY card :)

~impendnig fever? not again...~

2006-01-21T22:25:00.000-08:00

~felt very proud of myself yesterday...i managed to connect the notebook to the projector system myself without any help from the students!!! haha... there were a few times when i had prepared slides but couldn't use them as the students didnt' know what was wrong with the connection..so i have been observing... and i managed to successfully connect the notebook up to the projector!!! haha...
~argh...argh...argh...i thought drinking lotsa water and having lotsa rest would help...but...the heat doesn't seem to have subsided...it seems to have aggravated...the heat is threatening to transform into a hateful fever...nooo...sigh...

~name~

2006-01-19T22:49:00.000-08:00

~my students find it very funny that the name of ny's auditorium is my chinese name...and a student gave me a new name of xiao ming (tat's lm's "name" la haha...) cos she saw my acronym was llXM...oh ya..there was this student...asked me why there was this persistent black thing she sees through her microscope...asked me to look through...kept laughing...then she says..oh i know why already...cos the wire is not at the side...the wire is above the light source... microscopy.... had two prac lessons today... with 2 sec 3 classes. involved the peeling off of the inner epidermal layer of the onion. still remember last time my teacher taught us a way to get the inner epidermal layer--place the onion purple side up, use the scapel cut down but not totally, so the scale leaf is cut through but not the inner epidermis, then fold the two parts down, peel apart gently to remove the epidermis. didnt' had time to try if i still had the skill before the lesson as i had another lesson before the prac session. so went in hoping, praying very hard i still had it haha...i think it failed on the first attempt cos the piece i used was too small..but i succeeded later :) yeah i still remember my stuff :) then i prepared my own microscopic slide of a hydrilla leaf. examined it under the microscope. saw lotsa chloroplasts. was focusing to see if any moved. sadly, none did. still remember a specimen i examined during jc prac had lotsa chloroplasts too, and some moved..so cute haha...

~>_<~

2006-01-18T21:26:00.000-08:00

~grr....this class ah...really ah...cannot control...entire class run out during practical...supposed to observe those small organisms under the microscope, they go out for fishing session. mass fishing session. call them to come back, they still sit by the pond...maybe the algae complement the fish to form an indisputably breathtaking scenery, maybe...grr...
~stood in for ms lye's sec 4 class today. administered the quiz. realised it's much easier to project one's voice in a sec 4 class as the surroundings are very quiet. there is no need to strain your voice.
~first time since i started work (not very long actually, 2 weeks exactly) trying to go online in school...thought it wasn't nice to go online in school, especially since the teachers can see what you are doing on your notebook, but decided to try aft hf told me to haha...was fiddling around with the website. managed to sign in to web version. but so funny!!! the nick doesn't flash when someone talks...and it takes very long for my msg to appear on the screen after i click "enter"...i haven't finished....there is a "refractory period" after each message... a period of time in which i cannot type anything after each "enter"... 0_0

~heaty, heaty, heaty~

2006-01-17T17:49:00.000-08:00

~wonder if it's because these days, i have to talk lotsa more than what i usually do, my throat feels real real real dry and sore. it's not that i haven't been drinking enough water. i have, i think. for a frequent toilet-goer like me, and that is an understatement, i have been drinking from and refilling my bottle in school frequently. whenever you see me walking up from my desk going out of the staffroom, u can safely bet that i am heading for the ladies. then yesterday, i felt a wave of heatiness. oh dear... sigh... not again... sigh... lucky today is my off day, managed to rest a bit..but the heatiness is still there...and i am afraid it may get worse when i get back to school tomorrow. it doesn't help to reduce the heatiness when you have to talk (much louder and longer than what i usually do) all day. your, or my, throat gets sore and dry. and the heatiness just gets augmented. grrr....having a headache now...preparing lessons...

~jogging, bball~

2006-01-14T22:00:00.000-08:00

~finally went jogging today...the second non-rainy day. jogged with papa. then went to join my siblings at the bball court. there are 3 newly constructed bball courts, 1 netball court, 4 badminton courts and 1 street soccer court in the middle of the grass patch near my house. played bball with papa audrey arthur. realised guys and gals really very different. in terms of physical strength. papa and arthur can easily send the ball flying to the loop from the three pointer boundary with just a seemingly effortless flick of their wrist while me and my sis have to jump to provide the extra force such that the ball can reach the board. tried many times. got 1 three pointer in. then tried again. and got another 2 three pointer shots in a row! haha...but look at my brother and papa...haha...nvm...it was a fun family game..too bad my mum doesn't want to play...or it would be even more interesting...
~mum's bd yesterday...but bro at camp, so celebrated today...happy birthday mummy :)

~yeah i am back in action haha~

2006-01-11T19:16:00.000-08:00

~yeah my blog has been stagnant for a few weeks haha...now let me see what happened after my last post...ok here goes
~class new year countdown party at pasir ris...it was on the 31/12/2005. i went for cca lunch in the afternoon at bukit timah plaza. i didn't want to go initially as i wasn't at all close to any cca mates except for my viola junior. then the day before, my junior messaged me to ask me to accompany her. so i went. after lunch, went over to pei hwa bus stop to wait for my parents to fetch me to pasir ris. the rain was horrendous!!! stupefyingly sporadic!!! the bus stop wasn't a shelter at all. my feet were literally swimming. my jeans was drenched. luckily we reached the bus stop before the downpour began. the wind was so strong a tree actually broke off and hit the bus shelter before landing on a bus. the situation was quite chaotic. waited quite a while for my parents. after my parents came, they fetched me to pasir ris park. upon reaching pasir ris park, my entire family went in search of an empty shelter. it was drizzling there. my father found one soon. and we went over to "chop" the shelter till the first batch of people came. jo ws yc jeff wj ms soon arrived. followed by jy, then yk and jess, then v and k, then lm, then g, hf, qq, jas. turnout was quite good. but the weather wasn't all that good. but i must admit we should greatly appreciate that it wasn't pouring heavily more than half of the time. the bunch of us went cycling at around 3plus am. i msged my father, who wakes up at 2plus to deliver newspapers, that i was going cycling. my father called me. told me not to get caught in the rain as it was raining heavily at woodlands. i said ok. immediately after i put down the phone, it started drizzling, then the next second, pouring. haha...sorry papa..i cycled in the rain...went back to the tents. they were occupied. so we sought shelter at the nearby shop. didnt' sleep at all. around 6am, we went to wake up those who were sleeping in the tents. then the few of us went off to purchase breakfast. i changed before i left the place. so dirty!!! the back of my top was spotted black due to the dirt from cycling. so dirty!!! felt much cleaner after a quick wash up and a change of clothes. thanks lm for allowing me to dong bang your dad's car!!!
~let me see..what next after new year party...oh...i am suspecting my letter to the principal of ny is still unopened, or perhaps, already making itself comfortable in the rubbish chute. luckily i heard from casie that mrs wong told peishan to approach ms lee straight. so i emailed ms lee. she called me. and i landed a job at nanyang teaching sec 2 sci and sec 3 bio. and that's what i am busy with everyday now :) quite weird initially, working alongside people who were once your teachers. but it's better now. and it's not easy being a teacher! u must really prepare ur lessons very well, yes, very. today marks the end the completion of my first week as a teacher at ny. still ok. today ms lee sat in to observe my class. she said my voice projection was good...but..in my head, i was thinking: voice projection good, but voice almost gone... haha... yah..my voice is really taking a great blow these days. today my voice really cracked during the first lesson!!! oh dear... the voice seems to be the greatest casualty ever since i entered ny on the other end..which wasn't long ago..just one week exactly haha... will be there until the permanent teacher comes along, and actually i think they already have a candidate for the permanent placing..so..well...one step at a time...
~went for dsta scholarship interview last friday. i wonder if u call it a rejection when the first thing the interviewer said was "i don't think we can offer you Mathematics". mathematics was what i applied for in the dsta scholarship application form. the entire interview revolved around maths, why maths, how maths related to military etc. yes maths...
~j1 orientation campfire this friday..should be going back...hope to meet up with the rest :)

~merry xmas~

2005-12-25T23:59:00.000-08:00

~finally packed away my 'a's stuff....
~merry xmas and happy new year everyone :)

~one more week to 2006~

2005-12-23T23:38:00.000-08:00

~feels real fast...one more week and we are entering a whole new year... hope i will be freer in the next week...then i can finally pack my 'a's stuff, org some party, bring my siblings out, pack my table, finish sewing my pouch etc... the list goes on and on....

~what's happening~

2005-12-23T00:02:00.000-08:00

~what's happening...i don't know...sigh..out of sorts..why...i dont' know...sigh...

~drained~

2005-12-21T23:28:00.000-08:00

~tired tired tired... hoping i can spring back full swing after friday... then it's xmas... then i gotta actively start organising... can't believe it... i haven't packed my 'a's stuff at all... i really mean at all... oh dear... i really gotta start packing soon... and i mean soon...

~aches subsiding~

2005-12-17T23:51:00.000-08:00

~good...the aches are subsiding...can move about without my heart wincing already...

~aches~

2005-12-15T23:50:00.000-08:00

~argh argh argh...my entire body is aching like mad!!! with every step i took today, especially those down the stairs, my heart cried....okok maybe cried is a little exaggerated....sobbed it shall be...my heart sobbed with every step i took...

~long but fulfilling day~centre seats not best seats~

2005-12-14T23:35:00.000-08:00

~started off the day by playing badminton with jy, her friends esther and wanlin, v, k and qq... realised sadly that my stamina had dropped a lot... not even one hour had passed but i was already panting... feeling drained... must train up my stamina again... but it was a refreshing game... considering i hadn't played badminton for a real long time... played from 10-12... then rushed to orchard mrt to meet up with jane and casie, my sec sch friends.... casie ah... late for 45 minutes... waited until even the other badminton peeps (ie jy es wl v k qq) appeared at orchard mrt.. think they were going there for lunch... to think i rushed off after the badminton game just so i wouldn't be late but still end up seeing them there 45 minutes later haha... life's like that, isn't it always? haha... as usual, we had a real hard time deciding where to go for lunch... ended up at kfc... then talked till ard 4 plus... we hadn't met up for a real long time already... nice meeting together again... then we went over to heeren to snap neoprints... nice pics we took! most successful neoprints i ever took..eh... well this is only my third or fourth neoprint..but ya.. they are nice...aft taking neoprints, i rushed off... had to meet my family at causeway point... we went to watch King Kong... it's a nice show! really... it's worth a watch... but it's a long movie... three hours.... and ARGH!!! the best seats when watching a move aren't the central seats, trust me... for once, i regret not haven't sat the last row... the boy behind me kept incessantly kicking my chair real hard throughout the entire movie... and i really mean INCESSANTLY...HARD.. THREE HOURS!!! omg... was real real real fed up.... really very fed up... i very nearly stood up and shout and him but managed to restrain myself... if u see someone stand up in the middle of the show to shout at someone behind her, you are sure to think the person shouting is at fault.. shouldn't shout like that.... so i controlled.... my blood was really boiling... really boiling... i mean it... to stop myself from shaking as if i am on a motorcycle machine at the arcade, i leaned over to my sister's seat... was in a ninety percent lying down position throughout the movie... but there wasn't much relief from the kicking, just that with this position, my head needn't shake so much... at the end of the movie, my neck and waist were aching, in addition to the leg and hand aches acquired from badminton earlier in the day and table tennis the day before... choose the last row when u watch a movie...

~weird dream~futile trip~tt~

2005-12-13T23:59:00.000-08:00

~i had a weird dream last night...cannot really remember what it was about...but the part i can vividly remember is the last part...i remember i had just painstakingly finished an assignment or something like that...was feeling real tired at the end of it, still remember me heaving a sigh of relief...turned off the light, went to bed, then...........i heard a shrill ring...i was thinking why would the clock ring now?...so i got up and went to off it.....then i realised, in reality, i had to wake up already.....the feeling was real weird.."i" sleepy, can't wait to sleep...i having to wake up...weird... took me a few seconds to get myself accustomed to reality...
~as usual, went to the clinic...but the replacement doc didn't want to see us....so we went back.... one hour to travel there just to be told the doc doesn't want to see us then another hour travelling back....i could have just lived my dream and continued sleeping...drifting about in dreamland...
~now that the rest of my day was free...last minute arrangements were being made...ended up with jo v k coming to my house to play table tennis...all the girls were not free...playing in the real doubles format was quite challenging or fun(ny) should i say haha...

~jas off u go to korea~

2005-12-13T00:08:00.000-08:00

~jas is off to korea for outward bound korea...hope she enjoys her trip!

~lm off u go to nepal~

2005-12-12T00:31:00.000-08:00

~slept for approximately 2 hours before waking up at 4 plus yesterday morning (it's past midnight so it's officially 12/12). it was raining rather heavily. had a quick wash up, then walked to woodlands mrt...felt weird, cos throughout my 15 min walk there, i didn't see any train enter or leave the mrt station...reached the mrt station, didn't see any timings on the board...but saw people entering the gates, so i followed..went up to the platform..waited for very long..still no train...initially was supposed to take the train heading toward jurong east, meeting hf along the way at yew tee..but changed plans to meet hf at woodlands instead, with hf travelling up from yewtee since the train in that direction arrived first...travelled to changi..met jy, then rushed to terminal 1...met jas and lm...sent lm off...aft sending off, it was around 8am..went to mac's for breakfast...then crapped--me hf jas jy. crapped all the way till....2pm!!! omg...we really can crap eh haha....discussed about the class christmas or new year party...wrote down the food to buy (bbq) etc...but was quite disappointed when we drew up the list and realised either way, christmas or new year, at most ard 13 or 14 people will be available...so sad....hope most people can turn up...the crappy mood died down as the time passed...was quite dead at ard 2pm ....fatigue was fast setting in..so we parted...left for home....hope lm enjoys her trekking in nepal!!!

~prom~

2005-12-10T19:57:00.000-08:00

~prom preparations started a few weeks back with everyone eagerly looking for outfits and accessories...the prom fever probably peaked a few days before prom itself...when the exact day came, guess the fever died down slightly...went to my usual hairdresser to do up my hair, then let mum do makeup...mum didn't want me to style my hair, so my hair wasn't exactly "done up", just a simple temporary reborn, a spray of glitter here and there, and a small little clip to top it all of...simple hairdo...the hairdresser also did some makeup for me...then my mum did the rest...all along i had hated makeup..so i didn't have any comments..just let the 2 ladies do the work for me haha... but guess the foundation cream the hairdresser applied was too different a tone from my skin colour...it was too white...i looked alright in person and in the mirror, but in the photographs, under flash, i realised i looked real real white in some pics...sometimes rather scary haha...sigh...there is always something to tip the balance, preventing total satisfaction...it's ok...maybe i should learn to do some makeup myself next time so i can discern the intensity and outcome of the makeup more accurately. liked my shoes...3 inch silver heels..was afraid i wouldn't be able to walk properly but was pleasantly surprised when it was quite comfortable walking in them...reached panpacific at 540, went up to our class's hotel room..no"1610"...only jy ms and wj were there when i arrived..the other gals and guys were still out somewhere styling their hair or making their faces up...when everyone had arrived, we made our way over to ritz carlton...still remember playing the piano and string at ritz last year during the sch's anniversary... felt that the food and programme didn't really match up to the exorbitant tix price of $80...food was edible but not exactly sumptious...programme was fine but not exactly very entertaining...there was the usual scene of people walking around throughout the entire night snapping photos...most tables were literally empty throughout the entire programme...my camera wasn't in a good mood that night..i had charged it to full bat just before i left my house...but after snapping just some 5 photos? maybe even lesser than 5, and the red light started flickering...indicating politely that the bat was dangerously low...stopped snapping pics for a while...then felt it would be wasted if i didn't snap any pics..so decided to turn on the cam, immediately take pic, then immediately off cam...managed to last till aft prom...prom ended ard 11 plus...those of us who stayed...g lm jas jy hf me joel jo wj qq k yf...squeezed up the shuttle bus, thinking of going clubbing..but the security was so tight we decided not to risk it lest those without ic or bus pass get into some serious trouble....ended up singing kbox from 2-6...then took cab back to hotel...cleaned up...took many pieces of cotton wool for me to cleanse the makeup off...there was this red streak on my left hand..i had thought that was some makeup that i had accidently smeared off my face, so i rubbed it real hard with the cleanser and cotton wool...it didn't go away...rubbed harder..still there...still harder...still there..it was only after quite a while that i realised it was a cut....silly me...left w hf at 10...reached home... bedtime...haha...prom is over...
~finally dug out and started on a pouch sewing kit i purchased many many many years back...took a while for me to get into the sewing momentum...momentum slowly picked up...and everything went on smoothly...am half way through it now...will need mum's help with the seams...sewing is rather fun...but u need good eyes and bright lighting...trust me...

~tired tired tired~

2005-12-06T22:59:00.000-08:00

~aching back, aching eyes, aching feet....what more but tired tired tired... no i am not sighing... i am just...tired tired tired...

~shopping~thinking~

2005-12-03T22:57:00.000-08:00

~went shopping with hf lm jas g today.haha it was quite funny this afternoon on the way there.i was at marsiling mrt platform when hf msged to ask where i was.turns out the train i didn't bother catching up with was the one hf was on. she was at woodlands when i replied. so it was agreed that she would board the next train. as the train i boarded entered woodlands mrt, i saw hf, a few carriages in front of where i was. was thinking of walking there to look for her once the train started to move again. but when i reached the carriage which i thought she had entered, i didn't see her! turns out she didn't see me when she entered, thought i wasn't on the train, so she alighted. haha. so we agreed once again, that i would alight at admiralty, then board the next train regardless of whether i saw hf or not.haha.ok we met up eventually.reached somerset. went to centrepoint to meet up with lm jas g. jy was sick...do rest well! went shopping for prom clothes esp for lm and jas cos they still didn't have much of an idea of what they wanted. lm wore dresseS!!! haha.it was rather hilarious. all of us squeezing into one changing room, eh...ya...guess the staff gave us weird looks.thought we were runaways from the mental hospital haha...had to leave earlier cos i had to meet my mum at causeway point. shopping can be very tiring too...
~a penny for my thoughts~sigh...sometimes i get very philosophical, i keep thinking and thinking and thinking, about everything in general, nothing in particular...life is indeed full of uncertainties...u never know what's gonna happen next...there are many things that i do not understand, and i think i never will...do i even want to understand? i don't know...there's no use thinking so much about stuff actually cos it doesn't help, or worsen things, for that matter. but it's hard to keep yourself from thinking...and there's no rule that forbids one from thinking... what's this about thoughts anyway...sigh...life is so...uncertain...so...intangible...

~class genting trip~

2005-12-01T23:56:00.000-08:00

~the class genting trip commenced when we met at tanjong pagar mrt station at 9.30pm on monday night, 28/11. had quite a hard time convincing my parents i would be fine taking mrt to meet the rest at tanjong pagar mrt station instead of them fetching me straight to the train station. but my mum "chided" me for not "letting them" fetch me to the train station straight when i told them that a few of my classmates' family members sent them to the train station and saw them off...haha...first time sitting a train (mrt excluded). was quite surprised that the train had real beds...though each individual space was rather limited, the bed was resonably comfortable...didn't sleep at all the first night of the trip...felt as if there was a veil in front of me tue morn...gradually woke up bit by bit as the day went on...had breakfast at a coffeeshop, after which we visited a chocolate shop...too bad i was heaty so i was trying to avoid the salesgirls who were giving out free sample of each type of chocolate...we then went to the templer...was thinking why there was smoke when i realised those wisps were not smoke but clouds...the weather was cooling, refreshing...we then made our way to the hotel...dumped our bags in the luggage room before storming the theme park...the weather was real cold...can't understand why my threshold for coldness is so low...i was shivering like mad even when i was bundled in jeans a polo T and two jackets while jas was absolutely fine clad in sleeveless top and short pants...oh my goodness...i really shivered real badly...had a hard time trying to stop the shivering...really shocked myself at the types of rides i managed to muster up my courage to try...especially corkscrew and vertical lift...for corksrew, i kept asking why was i there...don't think i should be there...was surprised i actually went to queue up for it...sat with v qq in the front, me jy at the back...we screamed real loudly haha...but it was not as scary as i thought it would be...it was fun in fact...vertical lift...didn't dare try initially as it looked extremely daunting to a faint-hearted person like me...but when others who tried said the stomach did not experience the butterfly sensation, i decided to give it a shot....the scariest part was the top, when i literally stopped breathing, waiting for the moment when we would suddenly plunge down, experienceing what falling under free fall was...still can't believe i actually sat corkscrew and vertical lift...my family members were pleasantly astounded when they learnt of it haha...other rides were fun too--bumper, cyclone, go kart etc...oh ya...can't describe how stupid i felt when we sat in the caterpillar we so happily assumed was the monorail and waited for it to move only to be told that the "caterpillar" was actually just a display item...omg...that was embarrassing haha...we went shopping too...there were many shops but the shopping complex was indeed rather "complex" with shops and indoor theme park merged together...at night, we went to watch harry potter...given the fact that i didn't even catch a wink the night before on the train, it was no wonder that i slipped in and out of the "consciousness" throughout the entire movie...tog with the fact that i hadn't read the book, i think it is only understandable that i couldn't comprehend the movie at all...the next morning, we went for a class karaoke session... it was real fun, all 19 people huddled together in a room belting out song after song...at night, we went bowling...u will know when your strike is more of luck than skill when you score a strike the first time round and immediately after that u score a 1 haha... celebrated bd for the dec babes at ard 3 plus in the morning...had a short nap of ard 40 min before waking up at 6 plus to prepare for checking out...were rushing against time, sprinting to catch the train...this genting trip has indeed been fun...in fact, i don't feel as if i have gone to genting and back...on the train ride home, it felt as if it was just "yesterday" that i was sitting the train to genting, and now ( or then) i was actually travelling in the opposite direction heading home...everything seems to have passed by so quickly....too quickly...

~hearing~

2005-11-27T10:35:00.000-08:00

~yeah i am shocked that my hearing actually isn't as bad as i always thought it was haha... wrote out a song without the help of the piano... then went to the piano to check if the notes corresponded to the tune i had in mind... and voila! they did... haha... was pleasantly surprised...

~computer bluez~

2005-11-27T00:42:00.000-08:00

~think i am really the ultimate computer illiterate...how does this sound---i don't know how to send a word document to print....sigh...somehow the comp aft repair seems to have more prob than before...click on print, go to save as, then can't print...yeah turns out is settings problem... other problems include: for every single english word i type, even in msn, there is a chinese translation shown with a sentence showing u how to use the word... so frustrating... comp illiterate that's what i am...

~'a's aftermath~

2005-11-25T23:59:00.000-08:00

~'a's ended today, for most of us at least. can't say i feel a rush of jubilation or ecstasy, but i do feel "lighter". 'a's was indeed a roller coaster ride. i had thought phy paper 3 was bad enough, but maths s was really the true ultimate. it had me stunned. a summary of the series of emotions i felt throughout the paper would go like this: shock to anxiety to desperation to "i simply give up". it was truly the worst paper i have ever sat for in my entire life. dealt me a great blow. sigh. preparing for the worst...
~went shopping with jy and lyn at causeway point and then this fashiong at kranji after chem s today...
~getting contacts tmr...shopping on sunday...genting on monday...

~one more day~

2005-11-24T11:00:00.000-08:00

~30 more hours to go~

~one week down~

2005-11-11T14:06:00.000-08:00

~two more weeks to go~

~argh!!! comp crash...everything gone~

2005-10-29T23:12:00.000-07:00

~argh! argh! argh! of all times, my comp just has to crash now... argh!!! (using sis's laptop now...) argh!!! everything gone!!! the hard disk had to get cleaned out... everything is gone... now the comp is back...but all the basic programs are gone....even those like ms word are gone... everything's gone!!! just tried installing wireless on the comp....was looking at the manual, turning the speedtouch device up and down....found all the numbers needed for installation, but i just can't understand the first part of the manual... seems that there should already have been this "wireless networks utility" installed somewhere in the comp..but apparently there isn't, and apparently i do not know how to carry out this very first step, and so (by mathematical induction), i can't carry out the following steps...argh!!! so i am stuck... rds...bottleneck effect.. argh...
~amidst my frustration...happy birthday hf :)

~titleless,not exactly~

2005-10-27T22:07:00.000-07:00

~less than 2 weeks to the start, four weeks to the end~

~sigh? sigh~

2005-10-24T18:31:00.000-07:00

~some thoughts~
~the only things that are constant about life are the numerous ironies that never fail to overwhelm you, the unexpected that never fails to astound you, the unexplainable that you can never ever comprehend, the lingering past that never fails to trip you, the unsure future that never fails to surprise you...
~sigh~

~...lll~

2005-10-22T21:14:00.000-07:00

~weird...in the afternoon, i tried to submit my online application for relief teaching to no avail...the "submit" button just wasn't available...so i had to "save as draft"...just one min ago, i revisited the site to re-check if there was anything wrong with what i had filled in...this time, apparently...i didn't change anything, but the "submit" button has become available...weird...haha...

~...ll~

2005-10-22T13:52:00.000-07:00

~just came back from orchard hotel for application to melbourne uni...
~just tried to apply for relief teaching online...i thought i had filled in all the spaces, but apparently not, cos i still can't submit the form...and apparently i dun noe what other spaces i am supposed to fill...
~sigh...